He held the bill out to Juan, "Toma," and he lifted his chin in the direction of the gas station shop. "Ya, comi, yo."
He wanted Juan to get himself something to eat since he had eaten already before getting Juan from the house where Juan had waited after crossing the checkpoint in San Diego. A fat white woman with matted blond hair in a Volkswagon, the kind of woman Juan didn't think lived in America, a woman who looked like she had nothing to lose, had picked up him an another guy and drove them through checkpoint at rush hour. La Migra didn't spend a lot of time checking cars during rush hour. He and the other guy had to lay curled up covered by a blanket in the place where the back seat had been.
Juan wished that Manuel had come into the store with him as he stared at all the food behind the long glass doors. What if the cashier asked him a question in English? What would happen if he didn't answer?
It had been sixteen hours, or more since he'd eaten, so it all looked good, but Juan scanned the shiny glass for a hamburger. He had heard all about them, seen them in commercials on his dad's old black and white TV, but he had never eaten one.
When he thought he found one, he opened the door and reached inside trying hard not to touch any of the other packages because he didn't know if there were rules about that. He felt through the package for what felt like a round bun and took it to the counter where the cashier punched the price into the cash register. Juan looked at the display to confirm he had enough money before handing over the five dollar bill and because he didn't want to be shorted. The cashier took the money and gave him back a dollar and some change, saying nothing.
Juan thought he should wait to unwrap the burger, not walk and eat in public, but he was too hungry.
"Did you warm it? Calientastes?" Manuel asked as Juan got in the car.
Juan shook his head and chewed, realizing then that the meat was cold, frozen in the middle, not sure that he'd ever tasted anything so good.
Juan shook his head and chewed, realizing then that the meat was cold, frozen in the middle, not sure that he'd ever tasted anything so good.
I've made Ines tell me this story so many times that I probably can't even judge it as a piece of writing. But what a story! It really shows his hunger, and also the strangeness of American food habits. Such a sad and funny idea at the same time, eating a frozen hamburger straight out of the package like it was a popsicle or something.
ReplyDeleteI can't judge it either -- so weird. Whenever he tells me the story, or I tell it to someone else, it makes me want to cry. I think it's so sad, and I wanted that to come through, but I don't quite know how to do it yet.
ReplyDeleteFine then, I'll judge it ; ) My judgment: Awesome.
ReplyDeleteWhat's working so far for me: The hesitation in Juan's actions because of his lack of knowledge of customs ("What if the cashier asked him a question in English? What would happen if he didn't answer?" "trying hard not to touch any of the other packages because he didn't know if there were rules about that"). These awkward moments of self doubt really heighten the tension, and while completely unique to Juan's experience, are universal enough in to find root in a reader. These also feed the theme of perception/reality that seems to be running in many of these vignettes (the hamburger only seen on TV but never experienced, the woman who is "the kind of woman Juan didn't think lived in America, a woman who looked like she had nothing to lose"). As Juan is being introduced to realities of his new home, the reader is being introduced to the realities of the immigrant journey. In both cases, perceptions (wherever they've come from--TV in Juan's case in this piece; perhaps the news or political rhetoric in the reader's case) are being examined and their inaccuracies exposed. This is important work.
As for the sadness coming through, I think it is, but never excessively. It might be interesting to show a little more resistance from Juan when it comes to going to get the food. The payoff then might be all the more satisfying. And I keep going back and forth on the last line. Something says it's just right because the feeling Juan has is crystal clear to the reader, while the workshopper in me says it could show his feeling in some kind of action rather than tell it. Might be something to play with. Loving this story though.
I can't believe this really happened to him. Your storytelling is so beautiful, Michelle, so precise. I loved watching the story unfold, piece by piece - the way Juan "wished that Manuel had come into the store with him," his anticipation and hesitancy to make a mistake that would out him as a foreigner (like when he checked to make sure he handed over enough money)
ReplyDeleteI agree with Marty that the ending is sad but not overtly so. It's so subtle and bittersweet, mirroring the mood of this very moment when Juan not only gets to eat after 15 hours but his first american hamburger.