Leo sat in the car a few hundred yards from Smith's house
and watched as the garage door opened and the midsized sedan pulled out and
drove down the road. It hadn't taken much work to find Smith's address and
other details about his life once he'd flipped through his wife's phone. He
knew he lived alone, and after a few mornings of observations, he knew he left
between 7:30 and 7:40. He also knew he wouldn't be home until 6:00 today
because of the meeting his wife had told him about.
He walked around to the back of the house and entered
through a window. It was early fall--warm during the day, cool at night--the
season when windows were opened and shut so much nobody ever bothered to lock
them.
The house was typical for a twenty-eight year-old bachelor
on a teacher's salary: non-matching hand-me-down furniture, maybe from a thrift
store or family member, some photos of times with drinking buddies, a flat
screen TV and DVDs scattered around. He felt a tinge of jealousy when he saw
what looked like a more recent photo of Smith and a friend holding a
trophy-size brook trout.
The Cialis he'd taken earlier was clearly working. He walked
into the kitchen and twisted the blinds closed and then pulled open some
drawers until he found the utensils. It didn't take long to reach orgasm, and
though the angle was awkward and he was standing on his tiptoes, leaning
forward with one hand braced against the edge of the counter, he managed to
distribute his cum over a good portion of Smith's open silverware drawer. When
he finished, he closed the drawer, walked into the living room, and sat down in
the recliner.
He felt guilty for a minute, especially when he turned on
the TV and saw Smith had been watching ESPN. He seemed like a regular enough
guy. But Leo knew plenty of people who seemed regular enough at first but turned
out to be real pricks. Most people, in fact, in his experience. He flipped
through some channels until he found a morning talk show. After watching a few
mind-numbing interviews, he flipped again and stopped on a black and white
detective movie. These old movies always put Leo at ease. They didn't rely on
techno music or shock value, tits and ass or bloody beheadings, just old
fashioned story telling. Kids these days had no appreciation for subtlety. They
didn't understand the value in suggestion. But they'd learn.
Leo woke to the phone ringing. The name of the caller showed
up on the TV screen. He'd seen this caller ID function on his sister-in-law's
TV in Tempe once and had wished he had a TV that fancy, but his wife never let
him spend any money. She never let him do anything fun anymore. The caller ID
said O'Terry, Jennifer. Leo wondered if this Jennifer was another of Smith's
sexual exploits. He answered the phone but it was just a telemarketer.
It was almost noon, so he decided to eat something after
taking his next Cialis. Smith didn't have much to choose from in the kitchen.
Obviously, he was too busy fucking other people's wives to go grocery shopping.
After some searching though, Leo managed to put together a sandwich and set to
eating it as he walked around the house. He was lucky to have finished by the
time he got to the bedroom because what he saw there would have definitely
ruined his appetite. This Smith, this bearded Romeo-fucker-of-wives, didn't
even have a real bed. He had a futon. What kind of adulterer uses a futon for
his sexual conquests, he wondered. Now he really felt ashamed. He could imagine
losing his wife to some Don Juan, some Brad Pitt motherfucker, but not a slob
with a futon. What did this say about him? God, the thought killed him. He
crawled onto the futon. From his knees, he unbuttoned his pants and pulled them
down to his thighs as he leaned against the wall with one hand and masturbated
with the other. It took a while this time, but after concentrating steadily on
the image of Smith fucking his wife, the tension in her neck muscles and
Smith's hairy ass clenching with each deep thrust, he managed to cum on a
decent portion of both pillows.
After a long, hot shower, Leo put a CD in the player and
kicked his feet up in the recliner. He'd found a bottle of red wine when he was
looking for lunch earlier, so he poured himself a glass and tried to relax
because this Smith just kept finding new ways to piss him off. A light rain started
falling, and he thought of his wife. She always loved red wine and rain. He
smiled. She'd started him drinking wine in college, started him doing a lot of
things he'd never done. They went to the opera. The opera! The fun his high
school friends would have had with that one. And the shooting range, where she taught him
to shoot his .38, the first place they'd kissed. But the rain and red wine
evenings, those were ones, those were the evenings they'd stay up half the
night watching Hitchcock and fooling around with strawberries and cream and
chocolate syrup, carrots and cucumbers. Those were the nights he could imagine
being with her all the time. All the time.
Oh my god this is freaking hilarious, I laughed out loud. He's just hanging out in this guy's house all day, judging everything and masturbating on the silverware and the pillows? That's soooooo funny. These lines all made me laugh: This Smith, this bearded Romeo-fucker-of-wives, didn't even have a real bed. And this: he poured himself a glass and tried to relax because this Smith just kept finding new ways to piss him off.
ReplyDeleteI wasn't expecting the story to go this way, and it was actually kind of a pleasant surprise after being all nervous about what this lunatic was going to do. I could see you playing that up when you expand it, making it seem for a bit longer like he's going to do something violent.
Oh shit. This is great. Like Karin said, so funny! The details and the inner commentary like this line "The house was typical for a twenty-eight year-old bachelor on a teacher's salary...He felt a tinge of jealousy when he saw..." made me feel like I was in the room with him. And then the jism in the drawer and on the pillows. Genius!
ReplyDeleteAnd isn't this part so true- "It took a while this time, but after concentrating steadily on the image of Smith fucking his wife, the tension in her neck muscles and Smith's hairy ass clenching with each deep thrust, he managed to cum on a decent portion of both pillows." - Sometimes when you can't come, you just have to picture something so disturbing you finally cum.
Great!
ooh, yeah, bodily fluids for sure. This cracked me up! "Obviously, he was too busy fucking other people's wives to go grocery shopping." Man, jealousy really can fuck some people up. And, yes, that 'bearded-romeo" line and getting all pissed off about possibly losing his wife to a slob with a futon. I really like the Carver style anger and mania, and I can't wait to see it fully realized into a full piece that will go onto win lots of awards!
ReplyDelete